Most of us, including myself, have rich and colorful history. Filled with friends and relatives, and even public figures that have impacted our lives in a positive way. The closer the icon, the larger the impact. For example, when my grandmother died, life, as I knew it changed forever. She had a huge impact on my life. Everything she was inspired and educated me.
School teachers, Sunday School teachers, classmates, etc. They all have effects on our lives. Some of the amazing leaders of our time. Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Colin Powell, etc. We are effected by so many.
June 15 is a day that I will never forget as long as I live. My heart broke as I watched the very life of my friend, Tim, leave his body. Even though it has been two years, now, it seems like yesterday. That instant, that very moment is etched into my heart and mind, and I wish that it wasn't. It's something that I don't ever want to relive.
The closeness and the joy of that visit up until that moment. The person that was, Tim. Those things help me push through the difficult moments.
I'm honored and pleased to spend days remembering Tim with his mother. I know that she and I share a very special bond, and will always.
I have tried to live my life in the light of the education I received those two years ago. I know and realize my mortality, now. I'm not simply watching life go by. I'm a participant. I make mistakes. More now than ever. Why? Because, I'm active. I'm living. I'm not just merely alive. I try hard to make each day count for something. Even if it's just to make one person feel a little better about themselves and their day.
As June 15 approached and passed, I remembered not only the lessons learned, but I remembered my friend. His life was a blessing to all who knew him, whether they knew and appreciated it or not. I certainly considered him a special blessing. I admired and respected him. It was easy for me to look over his faults, to see the good things.
When I watch a movie, good or bad, it almost always reminds me of him. He loved movies and was a very capable critic. If he critiqued a movie for me it would be such a good critique that I'd know whether I was going to enjoy it or not, without having him tell me what it was about, or giving away anything crucial to the film.
When I write something that I'm proud of, even today, I wish he were here so he could read it.
As I've said earlier, we moved into our new home not long ago. Finally I was able to set up and use the computer desk that belonged to him, given to me by his family. I feel inspired sitting and working at it. I want his opinion and advice. I want his approval.
I still feel the pain of losing him. I still feel guilt and regret. Why couldn't I save him? Why didn't I call the ambulance sooner, even against his wishes? Why didn't I realize the day before just how serious his condition really was? Yet, guilt is like a cancer. You can't always stop it from coming, but unchecked it will consume and destroy a person. We have to be diligent with these things.
My friend, Tim, died. He was terminally ill. God took him home to be with Him, and he is no longer sick. There was nothing anybody could do to change that.
It was with mixed emotions that I faced another June 15. Another reminder of his absence, but also another chance to spend the day dedicated to celebrating who he was and what he contributed to the world. His mother and I had a great day, and though there were a few tears and some sadness, it was an easier day than last year, and we remembered fondly.
I mourned the loss of an incredible person. I mourn even more for the loss of one more piece of my personal history.
I thank God for his life. Thank God for the chance to know and learn from him, and others like him. Finally, may God help us to learn to appreciate all of those around us. Each one affecting us differently. Adding their own personal touches to what will ultimately become our history.
Thanks for the friendship and the history. I miss you, Tim.