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A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always steal his act by saying things like, "He has a card up his sleeve!" or "He has a dove in his pocket."

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?

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A proud Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. While there, he meets Aussie farmer and the two start talking. The Aussie shows the Texan his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large as yours".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

At this point, the conversation had almost ground to a halt when the Texan suddently saw a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "Hey, what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?