My Kid is Better Than...
"Oh my God. You are so beautiful. With the most amazing eyes.. And oh what a cute smile. Mommies baby is the most precious little sweet-ums in the whole country.. I mean world.. No wait.. Universe. Yeah, Mommies baby is amazing!"
Come on. Get real with yourself. If I had a dime for every mother who said such things about their daughter while in my store. I'd have.. Well, I'd have a lot of dimes. Enough to fill a few piggy banks?
I could just puke. Take this little precious that I was just referring to. Without a doubt Mommies baby is beautiful, blonde hair, perfect teeth.. Right down to her evenly applied MAKEUP! Hello, shes 5, maybe 6 years old. What is the makeup supposed to cover up?
Well, let's just say that she is well on her way to being a mess. This little princesses mother is going to spoil her absolutely stupid. Get a grip lady.
While I appreciate a parents tendency and right to brag on their children and to truly feel the sentiments they are displaying. I have to wonder about the consequences of truly being, 'crazy', about your child.
For example, this little princess has four brothers. This explains a lot of the mothers excitement and pride, but, can you imagine how the brothers must hate her? I hate her and I don't even have to live with her. Here is a child that, by being born, has snatched the very worth of her male siblings. They have become merely spectators and servants in the worship of their sister that seems to have no bounds.
'My kid can beat up your kid'. 'My kid is an honor roll student'. My child is so smart, so sweet, so.. so.. Much like everyone elses. Wake up! Your child is unique in personality and character and a gift from God, but it's not like you have the only one. Nope. They are pretty much everywhere. If you don't believe me, get a job at the mall and you will see and hear, and hear and see.. And hear.. Yikes.. More kids than you thought had previously existed. They are, in fact, everywhere. Even in my store, with doting mothers.
It's not that parents who are crazy about their children bother or annoy me. It's those parents who are, in fact, crazy. My God, have you looked around? It's an epidemic.
A cure for cancer, HIV, the common cold.. Yeah, that'd be nice. But, dang people, we gotta do something about parental stupidity. It's out of control.
"Billy don't touch, please. I said dont touch! One.. Two.." Either finish counting, or pull a mind scramble and count like, "One.. Three! Now you're busted!"
Think about this with me. They know that you're going to count to three, so they wait for the two count. This does not help them prepare for real life.
"I'm sorry officer, I didn't hear the count. I would have stopped speeding at 2, I swear."
Nope. Not happening. Who are they going to refer the officer to? Their mom? I dont think so.
Did I mention how smart my sons are? And handsome, too.