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Words of Wisdom...well, words, anyway..



"It Needs To Soak"

You're exhausted, dirty, and just want to get home, shower and relax a while. The housework finished before you went to work, and the kids know to wash any dishes that they messed up during the day while you were at work. The drive home has a calming effect and you are so mellow by the time you drive into the driveway that you're almost sleepwalking. You drag yourself up the steps, trudge through the doorway, and the place is deserted. But, wait.. There are voices in the next room. As you near the first bedroom, you find one teenager listening to music and playing on the computer. You say, hi, and follow the sounds to the next bedroom where another teen offspring lays sleeping, but has so thoughtfully left his play station game on, so that it is booming and banging repetitiously, patiently waiting for someone to start playing the game. You back out of the room, after turning off the play station and TV. Is electricity expensive? Yes, it is.

You stumble to the kitchen for a revitalizing cup of coffee and a snack. As you round the corner you feel a hot burning sensation hit the top of your head and tingle down your spine.

Piled high, in the sink is a load of dishes. More, actually, than the ones from the previous night that you so diligently washed before work this morning. (You washed them early in the morning, in fact, to avoid having to do them when you got home from work.) Atop this mountain of filth, like a crowning cherry on top of a super sundae is a saucepan that was used to make noodles. You know this, because a third of them are still in the pan where they have been cooked to the sides, while a few wandering and free floaties are happily moving around on their own. Now you're feeling alive. Oh yes. That sleepy and numb feeling you had only a moment before, a distant memory.

"Who was supposed to clean up after themselves today? And who didn't do the one thing asked of them?" You ask rhetorically and sarcastically.

The timid teens slowly enter the kitchen with a strange and dumbfounded look on their faces. One you rarely see when, say, they're asking for money, or explaining why they, need, $150 shoes.

"Why?" You start quietly and build momentum. "I asked you to do one thing. Clean up. afterYOURSELVES!!" You regain what is laughingly referred to as your composure, and wait for them to explain how and why. Don't they know you work to keep them in the very noodles floating before you?

You rant and rave as your loved ones look on. "Why? What is so difficult that you cant wash a few dishes?"

Then, you hear the most excruciating words that could be uttered at such a moment as this.

"I was just letting them, soak."

Aagh!! You race toward that one with your hands open ready to go for the jugular, but are deflected by the throat clearing of the calmer one of the two.

Right after you pop a blood vessel in your forehead, you calmly explain to the young men before you that to soak a dish does not require the rest of them to sit in the sink to keep it company, nor, does it need 8 hours to, 'soak'.

Our society has, in the past generations up to this point, come up with excuses for almost every failure and occasion. I'm convinced, however, that none are as annoying or boldfaced falsehoods as, 'it needs to soak'.

Someone said, "You need to hire a maid".. wait, it was the same teen boy that said it needs to soak.

Hire a maid? How about, fire the son? Kill two birds with one stone. No fuss, no muss. No expensive maid, no more expensive son. Win, win situation.

Well, Happy Parenting!! Always remember, and never forget, some day they'll leave home and make someone else miserable. (LOL) I recommend you fix them up with someone you don't like. That way, both get what's coming to them.

"Wiggly Flesh, and Jabber Jaws"

People at the mall fascinate me. All walks of life, ages, colors, shapes and sizes.

Have you noticed, though, that there is just way, too, much wiggly flesh and jabber jaws?

This whole spandex craze a few years ago was scary enough, now we have short shirts and the return of hip huggers. Yikes.

It's like clothes that fit are completely unheard of. For real.. I'm walking in the mall the other day, and there's this pretty young blond girl in her early 20's in front of me. She is wearing, maybe, 3 or 4 hundred dollars worth of clothes, and none of it fits. She has a jacket that is hanging off her shoulders, and jeans that sag to her knees. I'm walking and contemplating this fashion statement, when I see another girl. She has got to be 16 years old, and the poor thing has either laundered her clothes incorrectly and caused shrinking, or outgrown her entire ensemble.

She is a little chubby, but clean and pleasant to look at. But, poor girl has nothing that fits. Her shirt is so small that everywhere you look flesh is hanging and wiggling. Then, as if that isn't embarrassing enough, for her and me, she is forced to wear her little sisters jeans. Accentuating the wiggly flesh sticking out under her short little shirt, and when she turned around, my goodness I was embarrassed, and, well, I did remember that I was supposed to call my plumber on another matter.

A person used to walk in the mall and check out all of the great clothes the other mall walkers were wearing. Now, I am almost ashamed to wear my good, well fitting clothes. No one else in the mall seems to be able to afford them. I feel too guilty to enjoy myself.

Then there is the jabber jaw thing. There was a time when folks were, somewhat embarrassed to cause a scene that would make everyone stare and point at them. Hello, a visit to the mall isn't successful now, unless people stare. And, can you believe it? Even those poor souls whose clothes don't fit, in fact, especially those souls, 'invite', people to stare and point.

Just the other day, do you know, I spotted a whole herd of those poor girls. Is there no charity for girls whose clothes dont fit? You know, like, PSFA- Partnership for a Sag Free America. I dont know, FITS- Friends Into Tight Society, or, NWA- No Wiggly America. Come on people, this is huge. How did this problem get so big, so fast? Didn't anyone see it coming?

Is there a shortage of fabric, or simply shirts for teenage girls?  Do we have an over abundance of baby tops and none for our older girls?  The poor dears.  How embarrassed they must be.

Ok, let's be honest about the other thing.  It's, partially, a selfish thing.  Some people I see walking in the mall are crying out for clothes that fit.  After seeing some of them, I'm crying out, too.  Please, clothe the children!  They need our help.

Wiggly flesh is everywhere you look, and, in case you happen to miss it, listen for those loud and obnoxious jabberjaws and there will be the wiggly flesh.  Well, actually, it works the other way, too.  Usually when there is wiggly flesh hanging around jabberjaws are in close proximity, as well. 

The thing that cracks me up... (I should probably use different words there), is to see two people walking together.  One sagger, and one with wiggly flesh.  The sagger walks two steps and pulls up her pants, takes another couple, repeat.  Step, pull.  Step, pull.  Pull, step.

The wiggly flesh girl is quite the opposite.  She constantly has a wedgie, she's constantly tugging, and pulling and adjusting...  out, and down.

These two walking together look as if they have fleas or something.  They're wiggling, pulling, sagging, adjusting, picking, scratching...  And, if you ask them why they wear such clothes..  "Because they're comfortable."  What?!

Lord help these poor kids to get some clothes that fit.  Doesn't anyone see their need and feel their pain? 

Wiggling, jabbering, sagging, and all.  Walking in the mall is a pretty cool thing, over all.  Lots of people to watch.  Lots of different shapes and sizes.  Just, please, somebody tell them that some things should simply stay covered.  =)